Here’s a great life tip.
Ruthlessly expunge from your life all of that ‘duty’ and ‘obligation’ and ‘habit’ stuff we clutter our days with, and make room for what you need to do to cut yourself a better deal.
People believe they ‘have’ to do certain things they don’t want to. They have a lot of energy tied up in proving they are a ‘good boy’ or a ‘good girl’ by doing things they then resent! After all, don’t good boys and girls sacrifice their needs and desires for other people? So they fill their lives with dreary ‘duty calls’ and suffer in silence, perhaps taking on some small amount of pleasure in knowing they have ‘done their duty’.
Look, I’m going to say this once but I want you to read it twenty times and engrave it on your heart; tattoo it on your hand; write it in indelible pen on your bathroom mirror—anything, until this becomes total second nature to you.
Here it is (and it’s life changing). Never, ever, ever (and a few more ‘evers’) do anything for another adult out of a sense of duty or obligation or to make them like you more or because you fear their response if you don’t act to please them.
To quote Marshall Rosenberg: “Never do anything for another person unless you can do it with the same energy as a young child feeding a hungry duck.” In other words with a sense of total delight and joy.
Wow! I told you that this was life-changing—and it is. But here’s the kicker. Want to know why you should never do something for someone out of negative energy? Answer: the price you will force them to pay is just too high! Oh yes, you will make them pay… and pay… when you ‘sacrifice’ yourself (unasked) out of a sense of duty or obligation. You will almost certainly punish them with moods, silences, sulks or angry outbursts. At the very least you will chalk-up a debt which they won’t even know about. They’ll ‘owe you’ and one fine day you’ll come to collect…
The price is way too high, so don’t do it.
Want more time to build your dream? Start learning to say ‘No’. Start learning to get out of ‘people pleasing’ mode. Start learning to be selfish.
I promise you people would rather hang out with a ‘selfish’ person than one who people-pleases and then makes them pay the price.